A pressing issue when traveling to a foreign country, such as Sweden, is how to blend in with the locals. What do they say? How do they behave? What do they wear?

Relax. It is easy to blend in with the Swedes. As swords are no longer permitted in public spaces, you basically only need to know how to swear in Swedish and wear a helmet. In addition, if you are a woman, you can attach a large key chain to your belt.

Swearing like a Swede

The easiest way to learn how to swear like a Swede is to keep quiet for a minute or two after you have presented yourself to a Swede. This way you will hear a rich flood of pejoratives. As a rule of thumb, you can always say “fan”. It literally means “devil” and works in most situations. You can spice it up a little by adding “vid Tor”, meaning “by Thor”.

As you see, Swedes more keen on invoking their deities than making insulting references to someone’s relatives. Don’t worry about repeating yourself, it only shows your determination to stick to your position.

What helmet to wear

Vikings were fashion originators and used natural materials, such as wool, leather, linen and precious metals in their designs. For example, the popular tote bag today offered by leading fashion houses such as Prada and Gucci, first appeared among Swedish Vikings. The same goes for the helmets, as they were originally created for wearing during bad hair days.

Basically, there are three types to choose from:

  • Big horn helmets (type A)
  • Long side helmets (type B)
  • Braid helmets (type C)

 

Figure 1.   Different types of Viking helmets used by Swedes. From left to right: A. Big horn helmet, B. Long side helmet and C. Braid helmet.

 

There are a few heuristics to rely on when choosing the right helmet for you. Big thirst – big horns. Sagging cheeks and bags under the eyes – long side helmet. Huge fan of Pippi Longstocking – braid helmets.

For locks and keys

Women’s strong position during the Viking Age was expressed with the help of large keychains. The key power was acquired by women when they got married, “for locks and keys”. A minimum of five keys attached to your belt is recommended.

 

 

 

Horns or not?

You may have heard from archeologists that Viking helmets did not have horns. This is not true of course. As the horns were used to drink from, they were soaked with alcohol and decomposed very quickly after burial.

 

We can therefore conclude that the claims made by archeologists, based on excavations of Viking graves, are wrong. Common knowledge, firmly founded in centuries of Swedish traditions, tells that Viking helmets have horns.